tiny sparks

Have been reading this book (incidentally, VERY good), and discovered that the author writes poetry, too. Here is one poem that I stumbled on; it is easily one of my favorite descriptions of marriage and married life.

Habitation

Marriage is not
a house, or even a tent

It is before that, and colder:

the edge of the forest, the edge
of the desert
the unpainted stairs
at the back, where we squat
outdoors, eating popcorn
where painfully and with wonder
at having survived
this far

we are learning to make fire.

Margaret Atwood

inspiration for today

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward."

Amelia Earhart

day 30 of 31: be uncomfortable today

Occasionally, my Mom forwards me a devotional that she subscribes to via email. I stumbled on this snippet from one she sent a couple months ago and I suddenly feel empowered.

"Though sales people would like us not to think it, most of us could probably admit there is indeed such a thing as "too comfortable" or "too convenient." We know there are times in life when moving away from a sense of painless ease is not only rewarding, but necessary. What art is admired lest the artist place his work in hands of the critic? What great love exists without great risk? On some real level, we seem to know that living is intrinsically more than being comfortable." - from The Pilgrim & the Mirage by Jill Carattini

day 21 of 31: thinking outside of the contextualized box

I read this article earlier, and it's been rattling around in my head all day.

Pearls Before Breakfast

It's a beautifully written piece that uses a social experiment as the catalyst for an exploration of the questions: What is beauty? and, Are we too busy to notice it?

This probably won't make sense unless you read the article yourself, but the part that I liked the most was when the author discusses Kant's philosophy of beauty and the idea of "art without a frame" (i.e. If you take a Picasso out of an art gallery and hang it, unmarked, in the restroom of a Starbucks, would the Picasso be recognized as anything more than just corporate decoration?)

The idea of context is fascinating, especially as it relates to beauty. It makes me think that so many of the moments of beauty in this modern life have been contextualized, systematized, and predetermined - hoisted upon us by a culture that seems to value utility, speed and accumulation above creativity and discovery and the sheer enjoyment of life.

day 17 of 31: inquire within

A quote from Bob Dylan's memoir, Chronicles:

“I looked at the menu, then I looked at my wife. The one thing about her that I always loved was that she was never one of those people who thinks that someone else is the answer to their happiness. Me or anybody else. She’s always had her own built-in happiness.”

I'm completely inspired by that quote. I have a full, fun day planned with the husband and the mother-in-law -- driving here and there and near and far, hopefully to return with lots of pictures! -- but I've tucked those words away, to let them simmer and bubble and boil over into every moment of this day.

day 10 of 31: inspiration for today

If of thine earthly goods
thou art bereft,
And of thy slender store
two loaves alone to thee are left,
Sell one,
and with the dole
Buy hyacinths
to feed thy soul.

- Sheikh Muslihu-d-Din Sa'adi of Shiraz

on acceptance

My husband sent me these quotes a while ago and I love them both. They speak perfectly to what I am going through right now.

"Let us then know our limits; we are something, and we are not everything." - Blaise Pascal, French mathematician and philosopher

and

"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American poet

hope

The other day, I was walking back to my office from lunch when a sparrow, somewhere above me, burst into song, piercing my self-absorbed silence with its beautiful melody.

The bird trilled expertly, and the lyrical composition of notes felt like a impromptu homage to my favorite Romantic-era composers, Chopin, Mendelssohn and Brahms. He quickly crescendoed, and then with a tiny flourish, it was over.

I smiled and stopped under the tree, staring up into the bare branches to see this winged musical genius. After about a minute of searching, I gave up and walked away.

I didn't matter. I knew he was there.

**************************************************************

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick." (Prov. 13:12) Truer words were never spoken. Everywhere I go, people tell me that I look tired and worn down. The dark circles under my eyes are prominent, and I haven't been getting much sleep. I am weary, physically weary, from toiling under the weight of deferred hope.

But today I feel guardedly hopeful - an unusual feeling of lightness and excitement in what has otherwise been a dreary, heavy month. The last few days have been lovely, filled with strawberries and used bookstores and crisp new pillowcases. My husband has been infinitely understanding of my shifting moods, bringing me ice cream and flowers home from the grocery store and reaching for my hand when he notices me wandering off into distracted reverie. I've also been consistently going to the gym, which has injected me with extra energy and motivation. The next few days are promising; tonight, a bona-fide pre-planned 'date night' with Aaron and next week, his 30th birthday, complete with a three-day visit from his mom.

The worst is over, I think. And not just because good things are happening - but because good things point us and push us forward. They give us hope that tomorrow holds promise, regardless of whether or not we know what tomorrow will bring.

I can hear it; I can feel it stirring inside. I can't see it, but I know it is there.

*************************************************************

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

- Emily Dickinson

reading is sexy

You may or may not know that I am positively mad about books. I love everything about them: the exchange of ideas, the storytelling, the character development. I love picking up a book for the first time or rediscovering it again for the tenth time. I love learning a new word, or watching an author turn a phrase in a completely unexpected way. I love finding pieces of myself in a character or place.

In celebration of this love, I have spent my lunch hour filling out a book meme to further the cause of the written word.

Who needs food when you've got books?

1. Book(s) that changed your life: When I was younger, I read The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom and it completely blew me away. Her story of survival during the Holocaust was both inspiring and maddening; her story of forgiveness, mind-boggling. I think it was the first time I'd ever read something so raw and real.

A few other books that have had an impact are 1984 and Animal Farm by George Orwell. I credit him for sowing the seeds of my libertarian leanings whilst I was still a politically green high schooler.

And finally, The Hell with Love: Poems to Mend a Broken Heart compiled by Mary Esselman, helped bring me to a place of real independence and confidence in myself.

2. If I could only recommend one book it would be: A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit, because her important message of dignity and restraint refreshingly and intelligently counters the current radical feminist ideology that is rampantly degrading women and men.

3. Favorite Chick Lit: Even though I despise the term "chick lit", two of my favorites are Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin and The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus. Both are compulsively readable and have real heart.

4. Book(s) you've read more than once: The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis is one I always return to for new insights on friendship, romance, and relationship with God. Anita Shreve's Fortune's Rocks and Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones are two fiction books I've re-read.

5. Book(s) that made you laugh: Sophie Kinsella's Confessions of a Shopaholic series is where I turn for lighthearted fun. The character Becky is hilarious! And of course, The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger. Definitely funnier than the movie.

6. A book you wish you had written: The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. The non-linear style of this book makes it a bit difficult to read at first, but that is exactly why it works. I bow to her writing ability.

7. Books(s) that made you cry: I made the mistake of reading a book about a woman dying of breast cancer, right as my mother-in-law was diagnosed with the illness. Talk Before Sleep by Elizabeth Berg was sad but ultimately uplifting.

8. Book(s) you are currently reading: I finally started Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser and even though I don't totally agree with everything he says politically, his overarching point is not to be missed. And, I'm still plugging away at Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community by Robert Putnam.

9. Book(s) you've been meaning to read: The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis, The Year of Pleasures by Elizabeth Berg, The Last Town on Earth by Thomas Mullen, and Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business by Neil Postman.

10. A book you started but could never finish: Being Good by Simon Blackburn. It is a philosophical book on ethics and I really have to be in the right mood to tackle it.

11. A book sitting on your bookshelf that you haven't read...yet: Democracy in America by Alexis de Tocqueville. This sheer size of this book is what is keeping me from it.

12. Book(s) I've read and liked but actually don't own: I know this is controversial for some, but I read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand and liked it. Sure, her 20-page long expositions on the merits of Objectivism are really annoying, but the story in itself is pretty good. I think it would make a good movie -- and funny, today I read that Lionsgate Films picked up the rights to the book and that Angelina Jolie is rumored to play the heroine, Dagny Taggart. I think that would be perfect casting.

13. Book you'd want on a deserted island: Of all the books in the world....the Bible.

14. Book(s) I've read and once it was finished thought, "What's the big deal?": The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling. Blasphemy, I know.

15: A fictional book world that you would most like to live in: This is definitely a toss up between C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia and L.M. Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables. But I think I am going to have to go with Green Gables because it just seems so enchanting, inspiring, and romantic (e.g. The Lake of Shining Waters, Haunted Woods, Lovers Lane).

If you have any book suggestions or recommendations, please let me know. Hooray for BOOKS!

four years ago

"Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They are in each other all along."

Jalal Al-Din Rumi, 13th century Persian poet

In Two (The Lament)

Lyrics by Jennifer Knapp

Finish up your coffee, love
it's getting cold
let's finish up this fight tonight
before the sun draws neigh and I'm old

Have mercy on me I'm a girl
though I'm cruel and you cry
I won't shiver cause I know how to break a man
I know how to break a man in two

Still you're suffering, my love
o, who's to blame?
you might be tired, but I'm not through fanning the flame

o, by the tiding of my tounge
I lie and sing what can't be unsung
my soul torn in two by the things I say to you
by the things that I say

I know how to break a man
I know how to break us man, in two

fill in the blank

“The happiest people are those who think the most interesting thoughts. Those who decide to use leisure as a means of mental development, who love good music, good books, good pictures, good company, good conversation, are the happiest people in the world. And they are not only happy in themselves, they are the cause of happiness in others.” -- William Lyon Phelps

I have to read and remember stuff like this so I don't fall into the "if I just had ______ then I would be happy" trap.

90% of the time, I am so stinking happy that my heart usually feels like it's straining to fit inside my chest. And it is certainly not because I own ____, have ____, or bought _____.