Scared

We're throwing in the home-buying towel. For now, at least.

Four months ago we started the process of looking for a home to call our own. Excitedly, we got pre-approved for a loan, found a realtor and hit the ground running - viewing properties two, three, sometimes four times a week.

But since then, home prices have increased so rapidly in our area that a quarter of a million dollars won't even guarantee you a spot in a decent zip code. Homes for $130,000 or $140,000? They don't exist anymore.

Actually, it was an easy decision. We realized that the burden of a hefty mortgage would have severely hampered our ability to enjoy our new life together and pursue other interests and hobbies.

Yup, that part was a no-brainer. The hard part is convincing my internal clock of that same thing. My sense of order, of how things should be, has been disrupted.

If you know me at all, you know that I like my life organized, broken down into categories and subcategories and subcategories after that. I like to know what the next step is and when I need to be there. Sure, I like a little excitement now and then, but even then it's excitement I know I can control.

I thought I had to buy a house because, hey -- isn't that the next step in my predetermined progression of life? Go to college, get married, buy a cute little house, decorate it with stuff purchased from Crate & Barrel, and throw dinner parties with fancy-but-not-to-expensive appetizers and cocktails. Kids and (stylish) minivan to follow.

I struggle to remember that life isn't a template for me to follow. I can define who I am and who I choose to be, unpatterned. I can carve out a new niche for myself, scary though it may be. I can appreciate the things I've been blessed with and learn to simply trust God more. I can take chances and risks. I can stray from the beaten path once in a while to discover parts of myself that I didn't know existed.

Can't I??